Lovers and Liars
by alltimelowlover
Summary: Literati. She'll give him a second chance, even thought she doesn't believe in them, because she thinks he might be worth it. Competed. Last chapter tweaked.
1. Lets start out by starting over

Title: Lovers and Liars (Chapter titles are lyrics from "Lovers and Liars" by Matchbook Romance)

Dislcaimer: I own zip zero nadda, nothing

Pairing: R/J

_Let's start out by starting over_

She shows up to the classroom. At least 20 minutes early, she wants to find a good spot. So what if Paris calls her psychotic and annoying. It's basically the pot calling the kettle black. Her clothing is downgraded. Yale is not a catwalk. But her hair is pulled back and her cheeks have a rosy hue to them. She's not expecting to meet anyone, and she prefers not knowing any of the others. This way she can put her full concentration into the lectures.

At first she doesn't see him, he's changed somewhat. His skin is tanner, probably from summer in Mexico, kicking back, sucking down tequilas left and right. But then again who really knows? It's the hair that gives him away. He's late, of course. He wouldn't have it any other way. She spots the unruly mess on top of his head and he stops in his tracks when he smells that perfume. He remembers that perfume.

They see each other from across the room. He decides today is the day to be polite. So he makes his way over to her and sits down next to her. She doesn't say anything to him. She merely smiles, acknowledging his presence. He finds it awkward sitting next to her. They haven't talked, haven't even seen each other for years. Since he left…his stomach drops as he thinks of the last moment he saw her. It takes every fiber of his being to not jump right out of his chair and high tail it to his dorm room. But he does stay and he tries to listen to the lecture, but he finds it damn near impossible to concentrate with her next to him. Damn it he thinks. She hasn't changed.

She tries typing down notes into her laptop but the words don't come out right, instead she finds herself writing something along the lines of a diary entry. It sickens her that she can feel this awkward around someone she hasn't seen for what? At least a year. She keeps telling herself, she's a professional, a sophomore at Yale, she can handle this. But soon enough she realizes she can't and it takes every piece of self-control she has not to yell "Get the hell away from me". But yet there's something that draws her closer to him, making her not want him to leave. Wow, she thinks. He hasn't changed.

When the class ends, they both try to scurry away politely, but it's not use. And while both hate confrontation, they both know it's inevitable.

"Hey," she starts.

He nods at her. She expects this though, it's his usual response. Words would have shocked her.

"Jess, what are you doing here?" she asks him. The bite in her tone is evident even to her and she tries to downplay it. "I mean," she starts. "I didn't see you here last year so I wondered if you transferred or I just didn't see you."

"I transferred here."

Words, she thinks, are still not his strong suit.

Silence draws on and suddenly she can't find anything to say.

"You know," she says, "if you need some help getting acquainted with things around here I could help. All I'm saying is don't be afraid to ask."

"I won't."

She really at this point would like to reach across and slap him right now. But she doesn't because really what would be the point? He would still be the same old Jess.

"Ok. Well nice talking to you," she says somewhat sarcastically and she starts to walk away.

"Hey, Rory," he says to her.

Finally, words, she thinks, as she turns back around towards him.

"You, uh, want to grab a cup of coffee?"

She smiles full and real, for the first time since seeing him and says:

"I would love a cup of coffee."

x…x

They don't talk about California or even Stars Hollow. They know it's an eventual subject, but they both hope it's something that will stay hidden for a rainy day, or hopefully forever. Instead they talk about books and movies and even music. Even though they have varying opinions on the latter. He has the whole heavy metal collection and she finds her heart in the indie rock. But still they can carry on a civil conversation. Some of it is forced, other times they both find themselves talking to freely they expect Luke to come up and pour the next cup of coffee. But then those long silences occur and they suddenly snap back to reality.

"So who would have thought Jess Mariano would be in Yale right now, legally, nonetheless," she says.

He laughs and the uneasiness and tension they both felt before are slowly fading away.

"Not I," he says.

She shakes her head and sips her coffee.

"Why'd you do it? I mean you never really seemed like a college guy to me."

"Oh, well why would you say a thing like that?"

"Because it's true."

"Ya well things change, people change. Nothing's forever."

"Are you sure about that?"

"O come on Rory, don't get all philosophical on me."

"You're right; we'll save that for the next coffee date."

The word date hangs in the air for a minute and they both look away for each other as the tension begins to build once again.

"So…uh, how's your mom doing?"

Rory looks at him, completely stunned.

"What," she starts, "the hell happened to you?"

He smirks at her; he sees her inner drama queen hasn't faded.

"People change, Ror. And deep down I like your mom, I was just always afraid she would come at me with a hello kitty knife at night, that's all."

Rory laughs at him, and downs the rest of her coffee, simultaneously checking her watch.

"Oh gosh, I have an afternoon class," she tells him.

He finishes off his coffee and throws a few dollar bills onto the table, as she begins to pull out her wallet.

"It's on me," he tells her.

She nods at him, thanking him for his generosity and she wonders if there's something behind it. They walk outside the on-campus café and down the pathway to her next class. The air is crisp and the colors of autumn surround them. She notices he's grown or perhaps she's gotten smaller.

"So, you wanna get some takeout tonight?" he asks her.

She can't believe the change of events. At first she loathes the sight of him and now he's asking her to dinner. She laughs at the irony of it all.

"You paying?" she asks him, jokingly.

"Of course," he says smirking.

"Count me in."


	2. What did I expect?

A/N: The episode where Jess came to ask Rory to come away with him didn't happen. And also the way Jess got into Yale is a far stretch of the imagination but please just bare with me on that. Thanks.

_What did I expect?_

She learns that he's had exactly 5 jobs in California, none of which include waiting tables. He says Luke has rid him of ever wanting to work in food. He sliced his thumb cutting up lettuce for Sasha, and tears stream down Rory's eyes trying to imagine Jess in a kitchen, let alone trying to cook. She learns he found a stray dog on the boardwalk and took it home with him, named it dodger. Her sweet and sour chicken is plentiful but she hardly touches it. She finds that there is so much they both haven't said yet and so much they want to say. She laughs more than she's laughed in a very long time. It's enduring for her. They sit in her common room. It's Friday night and like most college girls, her roommates have dates. She sits cross-legged on the couch while he recounts the tale of how he reached Yale. Turns out Jimmy rode him so hard to keep up his grades, that Jess did just that. He took finished his senior year with summer school. And took double the workload of most kids to take extra college courses early. He went to a nice college in California that let him transfer into Yale his sophomore year. Rory looks at him in admiration, Jimmy did all of the things she couldn't do.

"I'm proud of you," she pipes at him.

"Miracles do happen."

"Who would have thought?"

"Doesn't matter, what counts is I'm here now," he says.

She smiles, reaching across to take some of his Kung Pow Chicken. And then she starts into it. She doesn't know why she picks that exact moment, but she feels its right. She has to clear the air before they can truly come back to normal.

"Jess," she starts. "Why didn't you say goodbye?"

He looks down, for a moment. He feels terrible about that day. Almost everyday since he wishes he could take it back, but he can't so he lives with the consequences.

"I was stupid; I thought that if I left without you knowing, it would hurt you less. But it just ended up hurting you more. Look Rory, I've changed so much since then. I can't even explain it to you. It's like I'm a new person. I just want you to be able to trust me like a friend."

She just nods.

"I don't know how long it will take for me to trust you again. But I really want to be friends again, I want us to be honest with each other."

"Good, so do I," he tells her.

They sit there for a moment, in happy silence. Suddenly the door flies open.

"Doyle there is no way you're getting away with this!" Paris screams.

Jess smirks, as Paris flies by both of them as a little man scurries as fast as he can into her room.

"Good to know that," he says. "Some things just don't change."

He wants to be a writer. Something she finds adorable. He says he liked to scribble things on spare pieces of paper when he was in California, he says he's never been one for organization, and she readily agrees with him, on this fact. He finds Yale to be stuffy, at times and sometimes it feels nothing like home. She wonders how of all the schools he in the world, why he decided to come to Yale. But she pushes the thought of her mind, not wanting to think about pointless subjects. Sometimes when they are alone, their minds wander. He likes making up stories, mostly because he likes to see her smile at him. They have few classes together but that doesn't stop them from spending time together. They don't talk about significant others because as far as their concerned they've called themselves "friends".

One day he starts to wonder about her. Particularly because he longs to be with her, romantically of course. He often sees guys glance just a little too long her way. She doesn't seem to notice and if she does she doesn't let on. He wonders how a girl as beautiful, smart, classy (does he really have to go on?) as her, doesn't have someone else.

"Ror?" he asks, one day. They're both sitting on the lawn. It's still warm and the sun is out. She's trying to concentrate on her sociology paper, but he won't let her.

"Ya," she says, not looking at him, but at her books.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asks.

She looks up at him and smiles.

"Uh-oh, is this serious?" she asks him, jokingly.

He smiles at her, trying to ease the tension in his stomach that is building.

"Ha, good one. Ya, well, I was wondering you know, last year, did you meet a lot of – um – _people_?"

She looks at him, her head cocked to the side, pondering his question thoughtfully. She wonders what he's trying to get at.

"Well, I had some friends, I guess. Why?"

"I was just wondering, you know, cause I didn't know if you – I don't know. Never mind, I'm just bored I guess."

She laughs at him.

"Don't you ever have to study?"

"It's all up here," he says pointing to his head.

She smiles at him, knowing that he will probably be staying up the whole night before cramming for the test. She goes back to her books. Trying again to start studying. But suddenly her cell phone rings. Jess, just sits back and watches her. She reaches into her purse to find it and answers.

"Hey," she answers.

"Oh my god, where are you?"

"Really?"

"Was it fun?"

"Tonight?"

"Definitely."

"All right,."

"Bye"

She hangs up and puts the cell back into her purse before returning to her books. Jess watches her for a moment, and then speaks up.

"Got a hot date tonight?" he asks teasingly. He hoped it would be a joke back.

She looks at him, and she notices as she fidgets slightly before finally answering.

"No," she answers. "That's was Paul."

Jess's eyes just about pop out of head.

"Paul?" he asks.

"Yes, Paul," she answers.

"And so who is Paul?" he asks.

She takes a moment to finally answer him again. He thinks this isn't such a great sign.

"My boyfriend," she says barely audible to Jess.

"Excuse me?"

"My boyfriend!" she yells.

The couple next to them looks at them, sneering and turns back to what they were doing.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about Paul?" he asks her.

"Well we never talked about it. He was in Michigan with his family, but he's back now," she says to him.

He just shakes his head.

"Rory, I thought we were trying to be honest with each other."

"Well, I never lied to you."

"But you withheld information from me, last time I checked that still counted as lying."

"Jess…"

"Rory, why can't you just be honest with me anymore?"

"Because Jess! I can't stand being around you anymore. You think you can just run off, and suddenly when you come back I'm all right? I don't work that way Jess."

"I thought we already talked about this."

"We did, but that still doesn't instantly just make me feel better about this."

"I know, I told you already. I'm sorry," he tells her.

"I know, you're sorry. You're sorry about everything."

"Rory, I don't want to fight about this. Ok, I was just, I don't know, _surprised_ about Paul."

"I know, I should have told you. I'm sorry Jess. Look, I will try my best to tell you everything, but like I said it's going to take a little bit of time."

"So…when are you seeing Paul?" he asks her.

"Tonight, he wants to take me out to dinner."

Jess just nods, thoroughly disgusted with himself. She looks down at her watch.

"I'm late, I should get going," she tells him and that she gathers her things and leaves him all alone.


	3. You're not good at lying

_You're no good at lying and I'm no good at comebacks_

He walks along the path to her dormitory. It's quite a chilly night, for only being fall and he wraps himself tighter into his leather jacket. He sits outside her steps, wondering what exactly he's supposed to say to her. How to formulate the words. Words, he's never been good with him. Look what they've gotten him into now. He goes in and walks around until he finds the door. He knocks and when no one answers, he tries pounding.

Finally he hears her yell, "Come in."

He follows the instructions and finds no one there, but sees her door swung open and music blaring from it.

"You're early," she yells to him. "I'm not really ready."

She peaks around the corner of the door to make eye contact with him. Her eyebrows shoot up.

"Jess? O god, I thought you were Paul."

Jess grimaces at this mistake and reminds himself to try and erase it from his memory. She turns off the blaring music.

"Come help me get ready."

He walks into her room and finds it just as he expects. Its furnished fine with great detail and it's comfortable, all with neutral colors but splashes of Lorelai in its character. He finally goes to look at her and for the first time he realizes she's in her underwear, a lace bra and matching panties. And suddenly Jess feels very self conscience around her, unable to look her in the eye.

"You're naked," he blurts out.

"I didn't think it would be a big deal. We're friends, remember, it's ok, besides I'm not completely naked," she tells him, laughing slightly.

He laughs too. And he realizes for the first time that she doesn't really realize how he feels about her. Otherwise she wouldn't have willingly let him come in.

"Ok," she starts as she sets two dresses down on her bed. "Pick one."

The first is a red cocktail dress with a slit down the front, an obvious cleavage-shower, which immediately Jess sees as a red flag. The second is a conservative black one, which looks more Emily than Lorelai. It's shorter than the red one, but it only has a very small scoop neck. The problem he realizes is that she would look seductive in overalls and a t-shirt. So anything he chose would be bad. But then again the red dress would only worsen the situation for him.

"The black one," he tells her.

She frowns for a moment.

"I was leaning towards the red one," she tells him.

"Ya, but I mean this guy is conservative right? Well the black one is more conservative sexy, the red one looks just down right whorish. It'll be great."

She smiles at him.

"What would I do without you," she asks him.

He just smiles faintly at this remark. And he turns around to give her privacy to dress herself.

"Done," she says, letting him turn around to face her.

"O wait," she says, as she sprits a small amount of perfume onto her. Then she hands a necklace to him.

"Can you?" she says referring to the necklace. He pulls it around her as she backs up until almost her whole body is pressed against him. He breathes in the perfume and suddenly he can't take it any more. It takes every fiber in his body to just clasp the damn necklace and walk away.

"Good to go," he says.

She walks away from him, inspecting herself in the mirror.

"Alright, I guess," she says.

The understatement of the year, in his opinion. She looks magnificent and part of him wants to tell her, but the words would never come out in the right way. They both hear a knock on the door but her reaction is upbeat while his is down.

"Ok, Thanks Jess," she tells him.

"No problem," he tells her he says heading towards the door.

They both walk out into the common room and he answers the door for her.

A tall, tanned, muscular guy stands in front of him and suddenly Jess feels even worse.

"Hello," he says to Jess and then skips right over him to her.

"Hey sweets," he tells her, grabbing her into a huge hug.

"Uh- Paul. This is Jess, my friend. We knew each other in high school."

Paul lets go of her and walks over to Jess, and sticks out a hand.

"Is this _the _Jess?" he asks her smiling.

Jess sticks his hand back out and firmly grips Paul's.

"Yep," Rory says.

Jess doesn't know whether to take this as a good sign or not.

"Well it's good to finally meet you, heard a lot about you," he tells Jess.

Bad sign. Definitely a bad sign.

"Same here."

They let go of each other's hands.

"Well," Paul starts. "We should get going, those reservations won't last forever."

He pulls her into him and Jess turns away, already ready to kill Paul. But he puts on a good face, knowing this is for her. As long as she's happy, he tells himself.

"You kids be back by 11," he says trying to make it sound like a joke.

Paul just laughs as he leads her out the door.

"Thanks mom, Don't wait up," she tells him as Paul closes the door.

He watches her leave and suddenly feels the immense need to drink. 12 months sober? Who cares about that now anyway. Damn it and he was doing so good too.

He wonders why he always falls apart around her. Why she can never realize how important she really is to him? He rids himself of thoughts of alcohol because that'll only make him look weak. No he realizes. Someone once told him, you have to fight for what you want. Well Paul, he realizes, better be ready to fight.


	4. But you're so untouchable

_But you're so untouchable_

When she comes back to her room, she finds him sprawled out on her couch. She's only half surprised. She punches his arm, as she softly laughs. His eyes flutter awake and when he sees her, they fling open wide.

"Hey sleepy," she says to him.

"Hey," he says rubbing his eyes. "What happened?"

She laughs at him. He can be so cute when he takes his brooding bad boy image off.

"I guess you fell asleep on our couch."

He looks around and realizes he's in her common room.

"Wow," he says, "I guess, I did fall asleep."

She maneuvers herself so that she's sitting next to him while he still lies on the couch.

"So…how was it?" he asks trying desperately to be nonchalant.

She just shrugs at him, but when he doesn't say anything, she goes on.

"It was good," she says.

He decides not to pursue the subject, because the repercussions could be fatal to his heart.

"You want to grab some breakfast?" he asks her.

She laughs at him, finding this comment quite funny and Jess doesn't catch on. He looks down at his watch out of habit, and realizes that it's nearly noon.

"How about lunch?" he asks, stupidly.

"Sure, I'd love to," she says sincerely.

Then something finally dawns on him.

"Did you just get in?" he asks her.

She shrugs again at first, but his eyes are glued to her.

"Yea," she says, softly.

"So…where were you all night?" he asks her.

"I was just at Paul's."

"Did you sleep with him?"

The question slices through the air, and the second it leaves his mouth he regrets it.

"That's none of your business," she tells him quietly.

"You're right, I'm sorry about that. It was stupid of me to ask."

They sit there in silence for a moment, and both feel extremely awkward. He looks at her and she meets his contact, his hand reaches out to touch hers. But suddenly the door flies open and guess who it is.

"Paul," she says, stating the obvious.

"Hey, babe," he says to her smiling, and then it slowly starts to fade when he sees Jess lying on the couch.

"Oh, uh...Hi," he says to Jess.

A severely awkward silence fills the room. They both look to him to say something.

"Right, so I was wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch….Rory that is," Paul says.

She gets up off the couch and goes to hug Paul. Jess turns his head, trying to shut the sight out, but finding it extremely hard.

"Actually, Jess and I are going to grab some lunch," she tells him.

And suddenly Jess can't help but smirk at this.

"Ok, well how about you call me afterwards," he tells her.

She just nods to him and he goes to leave, but not before he kisses her long enough to give the signal to Jess, _hands off_. Then he turns glaring at Jess and slams the door behind him.

"He'll cool off later," she tells him. "Let's go."

He practically jumps up off the couch, so happy that finally he has something up on the stupid ogre. This is war, and what's the score again? O yes, that's right. Jess 1, Paul 0,

A/N: Just a little something short and sweet to tie it together a little bit. I promise there will be more, later.


	5. And I'm oh so terrible at this

_And I'm, oh so, terrible at this_

He knows he's treading in dangerous waters after the 'sleeping with Paul' comment. Especially because she seems deafeningly quiet. When they go to eat he doesn't try to push the conversation and so they eat in a slightly awkward silence especially for him.

She plays with her pancakes moving them around. She's not especially hungry at the moment. She thinks she could have handled Paul better. She at least wishes him and Jess would get along.

"Did you do your English Lit paper?" she asks him, taking a sip of her coffee.

He looks at her and suddenly his heart feels immensely better knowing he hasn't entirely screwed up, not yet at least.

"Nope," he tells her. He's lying of course, he's had in done since the day it was assigned, the only thing he can do truly well without killing himself with overnight workloads is read.

She narrows her eyes at him and suddenly he feels like he's back in high school. Everything comes rushing back at him, he knows that look. God he's seen that look, probably a thousand times.

"Jess…" she starts, but he doesn't really let her.

"I've got it under control," he tells her.

She eyes him carefully, sipping at her vat of coffee.

"This isn't high school…you can't just do it the night before and expect that you're going to pass the class and –"

He puts up a hand to stop her.

"Thanks mom, but I think I've got it under control."

She starts blushing profusely, and it startles him. He used to always be able to make her blush, sometimes when he necessarily didn't want to.

"Right sorry. But if you need any help-"

"I know where you live," he finishes.

They start back at their food again but a brilliant idea pops into his head.

"You know," he says rather slyly. "I could use some tutoring."

He doesn't look at her when he says this, but if he did he would see her mouth drop wide open.

"Tutoring?" she asks him, as if she didn't hear him quite right. Although she did, loud and clear.

"Yea," he says.

"Do you not remember what happened last time I tried to tutor you?"

He laughs.

"Yea, but see I want to learn now, besides I was trying to impress you back then. No need to now."

She grins at him, trying to hide it, but doing a horrible job.

"Impress me? You call totaling my car and giving me a broken wrist, trying to impress me?" she asks him.

"Well now it depends who you talk to but I bet some people might agree-"

He doesn't get to finish teasing her because her arm comes out of nowhere and hits him playfully on his arm. He stops when she does this for a moment, because he feels a zing. Something enjoyable, and down right startling. She doesn't seem to notice though and his hope suddenly fades.

"Six o'clock. My dorm. Do not be late," she says to him, menacingly teasing him.

"Yes ma'am," he says.

They finish their meals, quite enjoyable, in a solitude of comfortable silence.

"And Jane Austen wrote what pieces of work?"

"Dumb and Dumber," he answers.

This had summed up most of the night. Though he had promised (Scout's Honor) that he would be on his best behavior, he had lied drastically.

"Well the second word was right…" she tells him.

"Beavis and Butthead?" he asks her trying to be serious.

"Jess!" she says, trying to hide her laughter but finding it extremely hard.

"Ok, Ok," he tells her.

She closes her book for a moment trying to find another one, when suddenly her phone goes off. She picks it up looks at the caller ID and puts it down, as if nothing ever happened. The phone keeps vibrating but she's too busy.

"Ya going to answer that?" he asks her.

"No," she answers him, still searching for her book.

He looks down at the caller ID and a name flashes before his eyes: _Paul_.

"Why not?"

She clears her throat trying to act like she didn't hear him but she had heard him unfortunately.

"He thinks I'm studying. Alone."

His eyebrows rise and he nods his head.

"But technically you are studying and let's be honest here, I'm not, so really you're not lying."

"Jess…"

"Rory, why him?"

She stops searching for a moment and steadily seats herself on the couch next to him.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…why Paul? What is there about him that you could possibly like. He walks around like he has a stick shoved up his ass."

She sighs.

"Paul and I met freshman year. My unbareable roommates had dragged me off to some frat party and I'm not really a party girl –"

"Shocking –"

"Right, so I was there just sitting alone and he came and sat down with me and we just started talking. Jess he's really a good guy. If you would just get to know him."

"Rory, he doesn't like me."

"That's because you antagonize him, like a little kid."

"Do not."

"Yes, you do," she tells him.

"Do not."

"See, this is what I'm talking about," she says.

He grins at her and she hits him playfully.

"So it doesn't look like there's going to be any studying going on tonight."

"Doesn't look that way," he answers, "How about an ice cream run?"

She stares at him.

"Is your memory that bad?" she asks him.

He grins.

"Look, no cars or pesky little animals involved. We'll walk down to the ice cream place, and walk back and then I promise you I will study."

"You buy," she tells him.

"Of course," he says.

They go to open the door, leaving their books in disarray. And guess who's standing there, with two ice creams in his hands, nonetheless.

"Hey, I thought you could use an," he says, and then sees Jess, "- study break. Am I missing something here?"

She puts a hand on Pauls chest before speaking.

"You have to promise not to get mad."

"Mad about what?"

"Well Jess and I were studying."

"Is that what they're calling it nowadays," Paul says the anger rising in him.

"Don't be like this," she tells him.

"You've been hanging out with him more than me, and I'm your boyfriend," he says incredulous.

"Paul…"

But Jess steps in, finally feeling the full weight of the situation before him.

"I was just leaving. Thanks Rory for the notes," he tells her.

"No problem," she whispers slightly as he pushes his way through and doorway, making sure to hit Paul on the way out.

"Watch it," Paul says.

Jess turns around.

"No, you _Paul_," he says. "You better watch it."

He stalks off as Paul smirks walking into her common room, shutting the door behind him. Jess walks out and, with a sunken heart, realizes he's all alone.

A/N: This will most likely (fingers crossed) at the end be a lit. But I can't make any promises. This was a lil out of character. I can't exactly get Comedian Jess right, Angsty Jess I can do, but he's not all that fun. Feedback appreciated :)


	6. Don't hold this against me

A/N: Sorry about the delay in updating. Basketball practice, sunburns and boyfriends have kept me previously occupied. By the way I need a beta. If anyone can give me details…that'd be awesome. On with the story…

_Don't hold this against me_

Hours later when he gets back to his own room, he finds that the door is open and the furniture is in disarray. Then he sees a dirty, athletic sock hanging off the front of his roommate's door. He knows the sign.

"Nice," Jess thinks sarcastically to himself.

He opens up his own door and heaves himself onto his bed. His head is spinning slightly. He wants a drink so badly; he nearly tears himself off the bed. But he stays put, massaging the temples of his forehead. The phone rings suddenly and he realizes neither of them are going to answer it, so he waits for the machine to click on.

"uh..Jess? This is…well…this is Rory. I just wanted to make sure you…uh…well I wanted to make sure you got to your dorm OK. I'm really sorry about tonight. I never meant for it to turn out like this. I just want to make sure you're all right, you know what are friends for," she laughs slightly, he doesn't smiles, but merely flinches at the word "friends". "So uh, if you could call me to at least tell me you're still alive, that'd be great…Good night Jess." Click.

He throws his hands up around his face, contemplating suicide at this point, for how miserably he feels. He wants to fight, but he doesn't have enough left in him. He tries to tell himself, as he falls asleep that night that she's not even worth it. But it doesn't work, him deep down knowing that she's all too much worth it.

>

Class the next morning is damn near unbearable. His head is pounding, and if he hadn't known any better he would have thought it was a hangover, but he reminds himself he was completely sober last night. His morning English Lit class is with her, but he doesn't take his normal seat. Instead he finds a seat across from where they normally sit, and plants himself there, trying to not even look to see if she's come in yet.

"Hey," a voice says from behind him.

He turns around to see her moving her way down the steps to a seat next to him in the lecture hall.

"New seats?" she asks brightly, oblivious to his method of ignoring her.

He just shrugs and turns back to his notes. At this she notices the not so subtle tone directed towards her.

"What did I do?" she asks, "Is this about last night, because I left a message on your phone and –"

"Not everything is always about you," he tells her monotone.

This shuts her up and she turns in her seat so that she's facing forward instead of looking at him. The professor walks in and class begins, but neither of them, at this point, have any clue what he's even talking about

When the lesson ends she's the first to dart out of the hall, making sure that he notices her not so subtle exit. He leans back in his chair, cussing at himself again, for being such an asshole. He looks around realizes that out of the nearly 100s of students there were in the class, he's only one of ten left. He goes to move but he hears his name.

"Mr. Mariano."

He turns to see Professor Spencer walking towards him. He has learned nothing – and he means _nothing_ – good can come of a teacher talking to him.

"Mr. Mariano, I would like to discuss the paper you just turned in. I must say I was very impressed. Extremely impressed actually. Your comparison of Hemingway and Austen was right on. Now don't be offended, but are you sure you wrote this because not only does Yale University frown upon plagiarism but –"

His jaw drops, if it were long enough it would have hit the floor. He stares in bewilderment at his teacher.

"Are you accusing me of plagiarizing?" Jess yells incredulous.

The professor takes a step towards him.

"Mr. Mariano, like I said please don't be offended, I am obligated to ask these questions. And please do not act surprised. After I read your paper, I've watched you, and it seems as though you just stare off into space while I talk. I just wondered how you were able to do this so well without the notes –"

"I wrote it," he says plain as day. "If you don't believe me, then don't. But I wrote that damn thing."

He turns on his heel and leaves the lecture hall. He feels like crying or smoking or drinking or anything. His heart is sunken deeply into the pit of his stomach. He looks up at the sky as he walks out onto the courtyard. The rain cloud overhead is deafeningly dark. He thinks to himself, _Can this day get any damn worse?_ And then he feels a sprinkle on his head and looks up to see a massive downpour of rain about to begin, as he starts to run for shelter, he laughs mockingly at himself. Yep when it rains, it pours.

>

When he finally gets back to his dorm room, he's soaked. And when he walks into the common room, he finds his roommate sprawled out on the coach.

"Hey mate," his roommate says.

"Josh," Jess says acknowledging him.

"Rough night?" Josh asks, looking at the disheveled mess in right of him.

"Just some old shit, nothing to worry about," he says taking a seat on the sofa next to his elder roommate. He suddenly notices the shower is running.

"We got company?" he asks, eyeing his roommate carefully.

Josh grins, and it's all Jess can do not to smile back.

"The same one from last night?" Jess asks.

"Ya," he responds back. "Went to the library. Did you know how many books there are in there? Never been in one of those, man. You should have told me it's a great way to pick up chicks. You spot one, read them some poetry and before you know it you get some."

Jess laughs slightly at him. He hears the shower stop running, and the pitter patter of female feet on the floor walk into the common room.

"Josh…Oh…is this your roommate?" the female says.

Jess turns around to greet the famous mystery woman and his jaw absolutely drops.

"Paris!"

The girl blushes slightly as Josh walks around the couch to put an arm around here.

"Mate, you've met my girl Paris now have you? Tell me it wasn't the same situation that I met her in," he says laughing to himself, only neither Paris nor Jess is laughing.

"My ex-girlfriend is her roommate," Jess tells Josh lowly.

Josh's eyebrows rise. "Sweets tell me who your roommate is?" he says.

"Rory Gilmore, you met her when we went back to my dorm before we came here," Paris tells him softly. Jess turns away slightly at the name.

"Wait, mate, isn't it that girl you're always talking about, the one you're always bringing around," he asks questioningly, with a stupid grin on his face.

"Nope," Jess tells him, trying to lie, but unbelievably bad at it.

"No, wait, I think it is. Hey sweets did you know that this guy's got it so bad for that Gilmore, he's actually taken to –"

"Josh!" Jess says standing up, fists nearly clenched. But Josh doesn't want to back down; he's having too much fun.

"Mate, oh, you're right. Sorry sweets, bros before hoes, not that I'm referring to you as one, but I shouldn't be telling you these things."

Jess turns towards the opposite wall staring at absolutely nothing. Wishing to God he had gotten a better roommate, inches away from going and grabbing the Dean of admission's throat for even letting the jackass in.

"Now sweets, how about you get all dressed and prettied up, and I'll go get us some sustenance. Go along now," he says tapping Paris' butt as she heads into his room. Once the door is closed Josh walks into Jess's view.

"Sorry mate didn't know you would get so mad about that. We're still good though right?" he says with the signature Josh grin on his face.

Jess merely nods.

"Right, oh. You're a good man Jess, a good man indeed. Such a good man you deserve a whole pot of coffee, or at least a cup. I'll be back soon," he says pulling a jacket on and rushing out the door.

Minutes later Paris reappears out into the common room. There's an unsteady silence between them, and Jess decides it's his turn to break it.

"Never thought of you as the Josh type?" he tells her.

She smiles, and takes this as an invitation to sit down next to him.

"You know people can change," she says rather hastily.

"Calm down killer," he tells her, laughing.

They sit there for a moment, both unsure of what to do but finally she stands up.

"I better help him, you know, he might not be able to find his way back to the dorm from the cafeteria."

Jess smiles at her as she pulls the door open, grabbing her purse on the way out. She turns to leave, but pauses for a moment and turns back towards him.

"I just thought you should know…she told me she thinks about you. Constantly."

And with that she leaves him to bask in the aroma of his very own misery.

A/N: The good stuff will come soon I promise

:) LacY


	7. I've already said I'm sorry

A/N: I read over the chapter before my editing and couldn't believe I had written that crap. I'm so ashamed of it, but now I can do this. I'm going to finish this, but the right way, no matter how much I really hate this story. And the only change incase you've already read the chapter is the last paragraph. Thanx.

And I bet you've got every word I said  
memorized in your head.  
And you'll use every one of them,  
and you'll use every one of them against me.

Don't hold this against me.  
I've already said I'm sorry.  
(Tell all your friends about me)  
Don't hold this against me.  
I've already said I'm sorry.

_I've already said I'm sorry_

He finds her sitting quietly on a park bench outside her dorm room. To his surprise she doesn't get up and slap him right in the face when she sees him. She merely ignores his presence all together.

"Is there room on that bench for a jackass who owes you one hell of an apology?" he asks.

She looks up at him for a moment, clears her throat and stares at him hard.

"I thought you had changed. You swore to me you were different," she says calmly.

"I –"

"And yet at the very first sign of trouble what do you do, you run and hide. You don't tell me what's wrong. You become a damn turtle and hide in your stupid shell."

"Rory, it's not like that-"

"Well Jess I really think that is how it is, because every time, this is always what happens. I don't know why I expected something more. I thought you were different. I thought this could be different. You can't even be a good friend, how could I expect we could be something more. I guess I was the one who was naïve here."

He's stunned; the ability to move has momentarily left him. He can scarcely believe these words are coming from her mouth.

"I can tell you things, I just need time to formulate what I'm going to say…" he begins child-like.

"Jess, you've had time. It's been a week since you stormed out of my dorm. Paul acted like a jerk, but that doesn't mean you have to, too. I didn't expect you to come up and reveal your life's story to me. I just thought – Well I guess I thought you would say that you at least didn't hate me. I've spent the past week wondering what you've been thinking Jess and I don't like doing that. I hate that. And I think I might hate you for that too," she says.

The last sentence hits the air and hangs for a while, hovering overhead.

"How can you even stand that guy?" he asks her quietly.

"Paul is…Paul, I guess. I didn't think this would happen again. You know, I really thought you could stand having another guy in my life. First Dean, now Paul…"

"Rory, don't-"

But her eyes are livid and they bore through him, he hopes he really isn't that invisible to her. Her look is lethal. By now she's standing up, hands flaying, obvious anger surging through her veins.

"No, I want to start this. Why did you leave Jess? Why did you leave me there, no Hallmark card, singing telegram, no smoke signal, nothing? I want to know exactly what you could have been thinking."

He sighs.

"I already told you. I thought it wouldn't hurt as much. I was already making a mess of my life; I didn't want to drag you down with me."

"I felt like I lost everything when you left and you basically tell me you were being a coward."

"Yea, I was being a coward," he admits with a sullen look.

"Why Yale, huh? Why out of all the schools in the world, did you choose Yale?"

"I should have thought that was obvious."

"I want to hear you say it."

There are a thousand words he probably could have said and yet the right ones never seem to seep from his mouth.

"You're here. I wanted to be here."

"You're wasting your time, if you're fishing around here Jess. That boat has sailed."

Her words sting him, but he knows her all too well. This is just a defense mechanism.

"Don't act like this; don't act like I was nothing. Just one chapter in your book of life. I meant more, and I know it. Don't act like this is news to you. I might not deserve much, but I deserve better than that."

"Why can't you ever grow up? I've been waiting for you to grow up and I thought you had. Why is it that you keep disappointing me Jess? I always expect too much of you –"

"You expect me to be perfect. Well I have news for you, no one's perfect. Not even you. So give me a break –"

"I feel like that's all I've been doing. Giving you break after break. You completely leave my life and pop in occasionally when you feel like it. It doesn't work that way. I don't work that way."

"I'm here though aren't I? I already exceeded your expectations just by showing up. I'm ready for this, us, you and me. I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now. Let me – Let me show you. Give me a chance."

She stares at him, boring her eyes through his timid, rapidly beating heart.

"I can't. You're never in one place long enough to start something meaningful. I can't take that chance again, you already had one. There's no such thing as second chances."

"Just forget everything else. Just – start over with me."

"Are you crazy?" she asks incredulous.

"Most likely, but that doesn't matter."

"Well I'm not running off with a madman."

He almost laughs at her civil humor. Almost.

"We can start over."

"Stop!" she screams.

"I love you."

The words escape before he can help himself and he wishes he could reach out into the air and stuff them right back into his mouth.

"No you don't."

"How do you know?" he asks accusingly.

"Because this is what you do! You make me believe your lies and I fall for them and I end up in pieces."

"Rory, -"

Before either of them realizes it, he's pulling her closer to him and he's pressing his lips against hers. Even after the realization hits her she knows she has succumbed to him, and pulls away hesitantly.

"You can't do that," she tells him softly.

"Why not?"

"You know, we do have to talk in a relationship. One of these days."

"Or so they say…"

"Jess…"

"Ok, let's talk."

"We can't do this."

"Why?"

"Because we can't."

"Oh, well I was worried you were going to be vague…"

"I thought we already went through this…"

"Give me one more chance."

She looks at him timidly.

"I'm sorry, I just can't do that right now."

His eyes fall softly. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She turns to gather her belongings and leave him but she stops at the sound of his voice.

"We're supposed to be together. You know it, I know it. Everyone knows it. Why do you have to make this so hard?"

She turns on her heal again and he can almost hear the whistles going off in her head, _Round 2._

"I'm making this hard? I'm not the one who left like a scared little boy at the first sign of trouble. You know you make it really hard to like you. Sometimes you can be so unsentimental."

"Look don't talk about what you don't know. You don't know how I feel, so don't pretend that you do."

"You won't let me in enough to know who you feel. Whenever I want to talk you hide from me. I can't deal with that anymore. If I'm going to be with someone, I don't want to have to worry every single day what they're thinking about, it's too much Jess…it's just too much."

"Rory, please…I need this, you…please…"

His words hit the cold crisp air. Lies and vague memories of promises broken swirl through her head. His demeanor hasn't changed in the least. He's still a scared little boy, asking, begging, for something to cling to.

"I can't give you another chance, because I'm all out of second, third, fourth and fifth chances. You used them all up, Jess."

"You're impossible," he tells her the full weight of her statements building into his chest. "You've always been like this."

He's trying to cut her down, but she won't let him.

"Then," she says softly," Jess why do you keep coming back?"

The statement hangs in the breeze and for a moment neither of them speaks. Her eyes glaze over him, perhaps waiting for an answer, but he hasn't a good one.

"You're right," he says slowly, turning to walk away from her, his memories and them, for perhaps forever.

She's sprawled out on the couch, watching the 11 o'clock news, thoroughly bored, but yet entirely restless. A knock disturbs her normal breathing and she gets up to receive the intruder.

"Josh…" she says.

He nods, grins and becomes his normal self.

"I'll get Paris," she says turning to yell for her roommate but his hand on her arm stops him.

"I'm not here for her," he says quietly. She realizes almost at once, the grin has slid off his face.

"He left," he says fixedly, as if that solved any question she would have asked him.

"Who left?"

"Jess," he tells her.

"Why would I care?" she asks him, so haughtily that a nearly menacing face crawls over Josh's cheeks.

"Look, he left. He didn't tell me why, but I know it was probably because you two had a row. But he did leave these," he says handing her a shoe box. "And he said something about a girl. I thought he was being a nutter. But then I remembered you."

He hands her the shoe box and he turns to leave, but not before administering the last dagger into her soul.

"Just, ya know, don't be too hard on him," he says turning the corner and out of sight.

She had settled herself ceremoniously on the foot of her bed, the contents of the shoebox sprawled out in front of her. Tears sting the corners of her eyes as her hands mingle with the scraps of paper. She picks up two movie tickets, from one of their few dates. A book springs into her view and she vaguely remembers giving it to him, and never seeing it again. Lastly a letter that was once contained in an envelope is sanctioned in front of her, bearing all her attention.

Rory,

Everything in this box is of, from or about you. I've kept it this long, but somehow I think it's no longer going to be any good to me.There's nothing I can say, or tell you that would make anything I've done or am doing now acceptable. I guess all I can say is that I'm sorry, for being who I am, and everything else that I've done, I'm sure the list is too long to fill this entire letter. I hope that in you reading this you realize that all the excuses I gave you, never added up. But I hope you know you were always the best part of me.

Jess

Seven years later an olive-skinned, dark haired man sits on the bench underneath a magnificent oak tree in Central Park. His presence is expected, as is his usual copy of the _The New Yorker_, which today he is thoroughly engrossed in. His eyes glaze over the page as he reads one of the sub-headings. "_Today's Fiction: Coffee, Yale and Dodger: The story of one woman's desperate desire to fulfill her dreams_". He blinks once, perhaps even twice, when he finally sees the name. It doesn't come as a complete shock. It's merely an acknowledgement, nothing special and certainly nothing that should make his stomach flip. "_Written by: Rory Gilmore, fictional writer for _The New Yorker _and overseas correspondent for _CNN" But it's not merely the name that startles him it's the dedication just below the heading that makes his heart pound and a full smile spread across his face: "Dedicated to my mother's wit, and Dodger's inspiration, whom without I would be nothing."

A/N: I don't actually know if there really is a fiction section, but thus I've tried to make it all the more realistic. Happy reading.  LacY


End file.
